By Bob McKemey — Are we obsessed with tips on culture shock? While it would be unwise to send missionaries into another culture without good training on cultural difference, it seems to me that everybody wants to write a new book on the subject.
Sometimes I fear that the emphasis on culture shock in the absence of encouragement, hope, and faith is producing adverse reactions. New missionaries aren’t ignorant of culture shock; they are almost paranoid. They are well aware of the problems they will face, but few can explain just how they plan to cope. With this in mind, I write to the new missionary out of my experience:
Dear new missionary, I just received word of your appointment. Let me be the first to say “Welcome!” You are going to love your new country!
No doubt you are familiar with the term “culture shock?” Yes there will be hard times and struggles, but even language study can be fascinating and fun. It really depends on your attitude. Let me give you some tips on how to cope and enjoy yourself in the process.
I realize that you have so much to give and teach, and your whole purpose in moving is to bring God’s clear message, but never forget that we have so much we can learn from people in this culture. Make your first two years of language study a learning time in every way possible. Be ministered to before you minister.
There will be many things that you will not like; that is true no matter where you live. Yet the feelings seem to be more intense in a totally foreign culture. You may not have any problems during the first weeks or months, but eventually the realization that this is long term will sink in. That’s when you’ll be especially vulnerable to strong negative reactions. These feelings are not wrong or sinful, but quite natural. Just don’t be surprised or angry with yourself. Take a day off; treat yourself to something familiar.
One of your first reactions may be to focus your attention on what is familiar and the same as back home. Usually most of the differences are deeper. And then someday you will realize that at an even deeper level, people are people everywhere and our commonalities are greater than our differences. Make yourself a little sign and post it for your first two years that says, “Different, not wrong.”
If a failure to accept differences makes you critical, failure to accept yourself can make you defensive. Learn to try new things but don’t demand of yourself that you like them. If you don’t accept difference, you will withdraw into isolation. The opposite mistake is to “go native” and worship all things about the surrounding culture. As you accept yourself and allow yourself to be YOU, you can then turn your eyes off yourself and begin to reach out to others.
You will make mistakes, but it’s not the end of the world. It’s OK to fail. The embarrassment will pass and you will have a few funny stories that you will probably enjoy for the rest of your life. I’m not advocating carelessness, but it will do you no good to take yourself too seriously. It’s is just amazing how much easier adjustment becomes when taken with a good dose of humor. People are going to laugh, so you might as well join them.
Rather than focus your attention on the fact that you didn’t understand a conversation, rejoice that you recognized some of the words. When you take an express train by mistake and fly past your stop, count it a victory when you navigate your way back. Don’t berate yourself for not catching touchdown passes when you’re still learning how to walk! Set short-range goals, and take the time to celebrate their achievement.
It is not sinful to have anxieties, negative reactions, and struggles. And these problems will become far easier to handle when we open ourselves to others and to God. Don’t let pride keep you from sharing with people who care. Without being critical you can tell your prayer partners that language school, on top of other adjustments, amounts to stress. What good is it to have prayer partners if we hide our real needs? Most of all, stay open to God. You can trust the One who made you and called you to serve him in this culture.
And take them seriously. Sometimes a day of hiking in the mountains will do you far more good than more study. Just like mini-breaks during a long night of language study (10 minutes here, 15 there), days and weekends off can lift your spirit and restore your energy. Take time for shopping, exploring, sight-seeing, hiking, or just goofing off. Time spent in solitude, alone with the Lord, or with your family is not wasted.
Like spiritual growth, it’s natural for us to want to become perfect by next Tuesday. Expect a few setbacks along the way. Learn to forgive yourself and others. Live one day at a time.
That sounds simple but it may be the most important thing I say. Love does not take advantage of our foreignness, or make excuses for not trying. Love seeks to understand and accept others. Love respects the dignity of others, and is willing to learn. Love will free you to be truly yourself, to open up to others, and to laugh when things go wrong. For love is not self-centered, easily hurt, or pushy. And love is possible through him who greatly loved us first.
