We weren’t forced to move because of a dramatic health crisis. Our safety wasn’t threatened. Our team wasn’t experiencing relational chaos. God simply made clear to us that it was time to pass our ministry on to our Slavic brothers and sisters.
Many missionaries leave the field under much more difficult and confusing circumstances, and I want to acknowledge that I don’t understand that kind of pain and would never offer a quick fix to such deep hurts.
Yet, even our gentle transition proved challenging. In one sense, we started over. Our sons started attending our neighborhood school; our roles within SEND International shifted. We created California traditions (Wednesday night church, Treat Thursdays on our walk home from school) while also trying to cling to some of the aspects of our lives in Ukraine that we most valued.
But that first year back in California mostly felt like a long, difficult pause. Though we enjoyed worshipping at a church that supported our ministry on the field, we didn’t have long-term jobs, we didn’t have deep friendships, and we knew we might have to pack up and move again to wherever the Lord provided work.
It’s tempting, at such times, to put up a self-protective shield. “Remember how hard it was to leave your friends and your home and your life overseas,” your secret self warns. “Don’t get too attached to this place, these traditions, these people, or you’ll have to go through that pain all over again.”
Frankly, it was emotionally and mentally draining. So we began practicing patient acceptance of God's timing. I started to call it “living in the question mark.” Every time my mind started to stray down “what-if” paths (and all the worries that accompanied each alternative), I pictured a question mark, with our little family cuddled up together in the dot.
Maybe it sounds cheesy, but this mental image helped me accept that God had us in a place of unknowns and waiting, and yet, he still had a plan. It freed me to enjoy Treat Thursdays, living near family, making new friends, and all the other aspects of our present reality, even if there was no guarantee they’d be permanent.
You don’t have to be a missionary to experience this kind of transition. In fact, even though we now have jobs and a house and a “plan,” I have no doubt that we will encounter more uncertainty in our lives. But I’ll always have my question mark, and my God who knows the answers.
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